How to reconstruct parent-child relationship after parents return to left-behind children?

2022-05-30 0 By

Yang Qinghua Marriage and Family Journal by Yang Qinghua Editor: Zhang HuijuanHunyinyujiating99 “love project” is composed of marriage and family magazine and Beijing green education foundation co-sponsored caring left-behind children of public welfare projects, aimed at correspondence with left-behind children, spirit, on the basis of the company to provide the children need about family education, children’s psychological and life coaching courses and help.– In the process of growing up, due to the lack of parental companionship, left-behind children often have many psychological problems, such as cowardice, lack of confidence, low sense of self-worth, lack of communication skills, and cannot and dare not communicate with others.Many children live with their grandparents in their early years and establish strong attachment with the elderly. They have deep feelings, but they are indifferent to their parents and have not established a good emotional link.When they return to their parents, they fail to establish the parent-child relationship in the critical period of emotional formation, or the original parent-child relationship has been broken, so parent-child conflicts continue.Such situations often require parents to spend more time and energy repairing or rebuilding the parent-child relationship.Once, two people came to the consulting room for help. They were a couple with junior high school education who had worked in Beijing for many years. There was a fifth grade child named Xiao Gang who had just come to Beijing from his hometown.When Xiao Gang was one and a half years old, his mother left him with her grandparents in the countryside and went to Beijing to accompany her husband.Two elderly people in their 60s, primary school education.Under the care of his grandparents, Xiaogang finished the fourth grade.But as he entered the fifth grade, he neither studied nor listened to his grandparents.Husband and wife are very anxious, but under, they overcome all sorts of difficulties, turn xiaogang to a primary school in Beijing, began a common life of three, but the situation does not seem to improve.In the new school, the teacher in charge of the class: children do not listen to the class, after class do not complete the homework, poor grades;Usually do not associate with the students, always a person in a daze at school.Not only that, Xiaogang’s attitude to his parents is also very cold, rarely communicate with their parents, after school came home to shut himself in the room, do not let his parents into his room, also do not listen to their parents.Because the exam result is not good, the father has played xiaogang for many times, xiaogang left home and walked two times, parent-child relationship is very tense, the couple is at a loss for this.It can be seen that at the early stage of Xiaogang’s growth, which is also the critical period of his personality development, his parents did not accompany him.Because of the lack of parental company, Xiaogang does not have a sense of security, showing timid introversion, dare not communicate with people.When I was young, Xiaogang felt abandoned. Deep down, he felt bad and his parents didn’t like him.Similarly, he would think that his teachers and classmates did not like him, and would often stay far away from others.At the same time, from the visitor’s description, we also know that the father’s way of teaching children is simple and rough.See xiaogang bad grades, not to help children to analyze the reasons for bad tests, but the use of sticks to punish children.Little do they know that such a simple and violent way of education will push children further.Xiaogang originally and parents lack of emotional links, heart is very lonely, in the face of exam failure he most needs is from the care and love of relatives, but his father’s approach will only make him more and more lonely, depressed, more and more indifferent to parents, heart from parents more and more far, and even choose to run away from home.Moreover, Xiaogang also faces the following two problems: inadaptability to the new environment.When Xiaogang transferred from his hometown to Beijing, everything was unfamiliar to him — the new school, new teachers and new classmates, and even the pronunciation and speed of the teachers in class. As a result, xiaogang, who had not studied hard, could not keep up with the progress of the courses and could not understand them in many cases.The quality of teaching in Beijing is higher than that in his hometown, and his classmates have much more knowledge and skills than Xiaogang, which puts him under great psychological pressure.In addition, when he first arrived in Beijing, Xiaogang’s accent was very heavy. As soon as he opened his mouth, his classmates would laugh at him. Although it was an innocent act of the children, it also caused a lot of pressure to Xiaogang.He did not dare to speak, and he did not dare to ask teachers and classmates questions he did not understand. As a result, the problems accumulated and his grades became worse and worse, forming a vicious circle.◎ Separation anxiety from grandparents.Xiaogang grew up with his grandparents from the age of one and a half to the age of 10, and has formed an inseparable attachment relationship with them.Now, Xiaogang was forced to leave the day and night to get along with the grandparents, the attachment relationship was suddenly ripped off, there must be a lot of heart and pain.In addition, the father of strange feelings to his discipline is rough, he will miss the distance of grandpa and grandma, this kind of pain and despair let Xiaogang difficult to concentrate on learning.It is not difficult to see that xiaogang and his parents did not establish a good parent-child relationship, resulting in a series of problems. The consultant provided the couple with strategies to reconstruct parent-child relationship: 1.Parents should accompany their children more, so that children feel that the company of loving parents has obvious or potential educational power, it plays a crucial role in the growth of children.No matter how busy they are at work, parents must make time to be with their children. Children only grow up once. Create more opportunities to be with your children: you can take your children on trips.Even if it is limited to the family’s economic situation, you can choose to take your children to visit the suburbs of Beijing on weekends.Hiking, camping, or barbecues in the countryside are great ways to keep company.In the process of climbing the mountain, the mother can show weakness and let the child pull him, hand and hand can make xiaogang feel the warmth of the mother, the mother can also feel the strength of her son.In this touch, the mother-child relationship will quietly change.Barbecue in the countryside is also a good way to keep company.Grilling involves working together, preparing food together, baking food together and sharing the fruits of your labor.Relaxing in nature, the strangeness between the son and his parents will gradually disappear and the heart will gradually become closer to the heart.Parents should not judge their children by their grades. Grades do not represent the whole of their children.According to Gardner’s multiple intelligence theory, human beings have eight kinds of intelligence: language intelligence, mathematical logic intelligence, music intelligence, spatial intelligence, body movement intelligence, interpersonal communication intelligence, self-knowledge intelligence, knowledge of nature intelligence.These eight intelligences are combined in a variety of ways in each person, and each person’s level of intellectual development in different areas is not synchronized.Every child has his strengths and weaknesses. Parents should not only focus on Chinese, math, English and other subjects, but also look at the overall development of the child, carefully capture the bright spot of the child, discover the advantages and interests of the child, and provide conditions for the development of the child’s strengths and interests.For example, Xiao Gang is very athletic and runs fastest in the class.Parents should encourage and cultivate him more, so that he can fully display his athletic talent and increase his confidence. Maybe sports can become his ability to settle down in the future.3. Parents and teachers to strengthen communication parents to the child’s growth of the basic situation, as well as the child’s problems and advantages with the teacher to actively communicate, only a comprehensive understanding of the real situation of the child, in order to teach students in accordance with their aptitude, targeted.For example, parents can tell the teacher about Xiaogang’s sports advantages, so that the teacher can provide opportunities for Xiaogang to show his skills in the sports meeting, so that other children in the class can see xiaogang’s advantages, and better accept him.In view of learning problems, parents should also communicate more with the teacher, the teacher will pay more attention to Xiaogang’s knowledge grasp, timely for him to check the missing, when needed to arrange warm-hearted class cadres to help him.Xiaogang’s relationship with his grandparents is very deep. His parents should create conditions for them to communicate with each other frequently.Now the rural network is very developed, you can prepare a smart phone for the elderly, to install broadband at home, so that Xiaogang and grandparents often video chat, so as to ease the children miss the elderly.During festivals, we can also take the elderly to Beijing or take the children back to their hometown to maintain emotional contact with the elderly, so that the children no longer miss and care.The couple carefully recorded the advice provided by the consultant, saying that they must actively adjust and improve back home.At the end of the semester, the counselor returned the call.The couple said that the parent-child relationship has been greatly improved, although Xiaogang’s academic performance is not satisfactory, but the character has changed a lot, willing to communicate with mom and dad, usually can help mom and dad do some housework.Xiaogang also has three or five good friends in his class. He is an important scorer in the school sports meeting.Confident in his athleticism, Xiao Gang has brightened up a lot, which makes the couple happy.”Left-behind children” like Xiao Gang are a special group of children generated in the process of urbanization in China. When they return to their parents again, how to rebuild a good parent-child relationship needs parents’ efforts.As long as parents do not give up, willing to change themselves for children, children will give parents a big surprise.Everyone does a little and the world changes a lot.Care for left-behind children, “Love project”, hand in hand.Kind of Love Project Office number: (8610) 51026393 Source: Journal of Marriage and Family.Chinese happy family life leader, focusing on women’s growth and marriage happiness, discusses how to love yourself and your family better.Marriage and Family magazine.(wechat/Weibo/Today’s headlines: Journal of Marriage and Family) Editing and typeset: Wang Yunfeng second Instance: Li Jin Third Instance: Zhao HaixuWe respect the legitimate rights and interests of copyright owners. If any copyright disputes are involved, please inform us to delete them. Thank you.After the original title: “back to their parents, how to reconstruct the parent-child relationship of left-behind children |” love project “,”